


The Show Must Go On

by fairyplumprincess



Series: Sweet Sinner [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Background Morality | Patton Sanders, Child Death, Family Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Post-Suicide Mission, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Suicide Notes, Trans Male Character, Underage Rape/Non-con, trans suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyplumprincess/pseuds/fairyplumprincess
Summary: Roman, finally facing his grief, goes into his little sister's room to look for a book that he hadn't seen in a while.While he finds it, he also finds missing pieces of a puzzle that he is now determined to finish.As much as he hates asking for help, he needs his brother's.
Relationships: Creativitwins - Relationship, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & King Creativity, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & King Creativity
Series: Sweet Sinner [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694095
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	The Show Must Go On

Roman was allergic to being late, so it was understandable that Remus began freaking out when it was 10 minutes into practice and Roman hadn’t even called - leaving him responsible for 45+ drama club students.

_Why are you, bro?_

Crew wasn’t coming in until the end of the hour, so it was just the stage manager and his friends who were setting up shop that were around.

“Camden?” Remus asked as he approached the paint table, where conversation seemed to halt. “Have you heard from Roman, at all? Did he maybe leave a message saying he might be late?”

“The other Mr. Reyes usually wrangles cast when you come to talk to us, so he doesn’t really let me know things like that. Try the student director?” Camden offered, looking up from his notebook.

“Maybe.” Remus worries his lip, looking off to try and spot Leo. “Also, Camden—“

The stage manager looked up in worry. The directors usually let him be unless it was for meetings or trouble. “Yes?”

“I like the designs you drew.” Remus turned back with a warm smile, watching Camden’s shoulders drop, “Let me know if you need extra funding or hands for any piece. Okay?”

“Of course, Mr. Reyes.” Camden was clearly holding back a bright smile, containing his excitement.

“Please, just Remus.” The director offered a light-hearted, two-fingered before walking off, hoping he didn’t accidentally stress a student.

_What the fuck, Roman? Where are you?_

Remus practically got the same answer from Leo, much to his discomfort. Well, it was time to start practice - with or without his other half.

They were starting with a simple ensemble piece - which was totally **not** because he wanted Dahlia to take control because he couldn’t be a great director with his focus elsewhere.

_ Remus: Roman, where are you? Practice started 20 minutes ago! _

“Mr. Reyes?” A voice came from beside him, drawing Remus’s attention away from his text.

“Yes, Terrence?” Remus asked, forgetting to correct the use of the formality.

“I know that you’re probably busy, but I had a personal issue I wanted to talk about.” Terrence seemed sheepish, adjusting his script in his grip.

“I’m always here for you, no matter what. What’s up, kiddo?” Remus almost recoiled in how much he sounded like Patton for a second, but that wasn’t what was important.

“When you and Mr. Hart got together,”-instant karma, Remus supposed-“how did you guys do it?”

“Do what?” Remus prodded on further.

“Like, who asked who? — Well, actually, that’s not important - that was really personal - sorry. What’s I’m really asking is - well - how do you ask a boy out?” Terrence stumbled over his words, but he got them out.

“Does my little star have a little crush?” Remus playfully teased, not noticing how the chair next to him moved.

“Yes.” Terrence blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I have been talking to Foti from crew for a bit, and I feel like he _really_ gets me - you know? Maybe it’s a puppy crush kind of thing, but I really like him - and I need some serious advice.”

“Kid,” Remus shifted to he sat on the table, “there is no wrong way to start you first relationship. If you’ve been talking for a bit, why don’t you invite him to a brunch date or something cute like that? Just obvious enough that it’s not ‘just hanging out’ but not too stuffy? Jay Harper’s has the best waffles in town.”

“Jay Harper’s is the only waffles in town,” Terrence chuckled, looking back up at Remus, “Thank you, Mr. Rey— I mean, Remus. I guess I just needed a confidence boost.”

“Anytime, kid, and also, even if he says no, there’s no problem in being friends anyways. Don’t lose an important friend over something like relationship stuff. It’s not worth it.” Remus tried pretending it was more general speak rather than the fact his relationship with his brother was almost destroyed over Patton — speaking of said brother, _where in the fuck was this guy_?

“Thanks, Remus. I really needed to hear — Roman, are you okay?” Terrence has shifted his gaze to the other side of the table, where a distraught looking Roman sat.

Remus whipped his head around, first in shock of how his brother got there, and then in shock of his brother’s expression. “Roman?”

“I’m gonna leave you two alone for a minute.” Terrence announced as he walked away, not noting Remus’ dismissive wave.

“Roman?” Remus tried again, grabbing his brother by the shoulder. _What happened, bro?_

“Did you have plans for after practice?” Roman asked monotonously, seeming lost behind his eyes.

“We were going to go over the practice schedule together, remember?” Remus reminded, tone still soft.

“Would you be willing to come home for a little bit?” Roman turned to his brother, and Remus didn’t like what he saw - a mind stuck in time but running a thousand miles a minute.

“Of course, Ro. Do you want to tell me what’s going on? Anything?” Remus tried to keep his voice level and cool, but he was sure he was failing.

“I just have a lot on my mind.” Roman rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe away whatever it was. “I need to pull it together.”

“Whatever it is, it’s okay that you’re feeling this way.” _I_ _just wish I knew what it was._ “Do you need to go talk to Pat for a minute?”

Roman shut it down - bringing up his hand and slipping back into his normal self. “I need to be a director right now. I can be... _this_...afterwards.”

“Of course. I’m always here.” Remus tried to act like he wasn’t incredibly confused and scared, but Roman was right. They’re already behind schedule, and they needed to be directors right now.

The show must go on even if backstage is a riot.

-

After an incredibly successful practice and officer meeting, the two directors were left alone in the auditorium.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong, now?”

Roman sniffled, holding his waist defensively. “I found a note in our little si - sibling’s room.”

Remus’s face contorted when Roman corrected himself from saying ‘sister’. _What the fuck, Roman?_ “Is that what has you so messed up?”

Roman looked up, eyes glassy and lip wobbling, “Yes.”

“Did you bring it with you or do we have to go home?” Remus asked, making a swinging motion with his hand out of nervousness.

“I think it’d be best if we were in a spot we could be in for a while, and the janitors will need to clean up so I left it at home,” Roman explained, “I was looking for something else, _I swear_ , and -“

“Whatever you found, Rei probably wanted you to”-Remus cut off, pulling Roman up “-or didn’t care nor realize it would have this effect on you.”

Roman nodded, following Remus to his car despite the fact he had driven himself. Remus promised to drive him back later on so he could get his car and wondered _what the fuck was going on_.

-

Remus warily stepped into his own home. It’s not that he didn’t like his parents, but he 100% didn’t.

Unlearning mild religious abuse made him realize that maybe his parents weren’t people he wanted to be his kids’ grandparents.

“It’s in their room.” Roman said numbly as he didn’t stop walking in, leaving Remus to close the door in bewilderment.

For the third time today: _what the fuck, Roman?_

Roman was outside of Reina’s door when Remus got up the stairs. He looked at it like it was both everything he had ever searched for and everything he was running away from. _Ditto._

“I know we made this unspoken pact to leave her room alone after the vigil,” Roman started to ramble, hands clenching and unclenching, “but I had loaned Rei a book about a month or so before... _it_...and I was about to buy a new copy before I realized I already owned it. I just thought I had read it in school or something, completely forgot that I would read it to Rei to bore them out when they were smaller.”

“You keep on saying ‘them’.” Remus bored out loud, “is that alluding to whatever you’re about to show me that freaked you out?”

Roman swiftly opened the door as an answer, all but barreling into the room - thankfully, remembering to turn on the light to get to whatever he was looking for. “It was their bookmark on a page with highlighted dialogue.”

“The book had commentary?” Remus asked, confused as fuck as Roman looked for where he threw the book.

“The _book_ didn’t, not when I had it. Rei highlighted it in green and wrote the corresponding letter in red,” Roman explained, sounding both out of breath and exhilarated, “but the suicide note I found on top of the hamper in the bathroom was written in blue. Rei wrote this beforehand.”

“Or she ran out of ink, Roman.” Remus supplied, “You night be reading into this too much.”

“If it wasn’t for us to find,” Roman suddenly stopped, turning around slowly with an open book and a flat stack of notebook paper, “then why is this one only addressed to us and references _it_?”

Remus took the note from Roman’s hands and read. If he had been the one to find it, he might’ve not shown up today at all.

_**Dear Remus & Roman,** _

_**If you have found this, it means that I had succeeded. I know you will cry for me, or maybe I just hope you do, but know that whether or not I meet the man behind it all or if there’s nothing - I’m happier.** _

_**As of right now, I’m not sure of when I’ll do it. Things need to line up perfectly so you can’t save me - I will either go all the way or not at all. Not that you wouldn’t, Remus, but Roman’s need to save everyone when he shouldn’t will be the downfall of my plans.** _

_**You’re probably wondering why I want to kill myself so badly. It’s something that is unforgivable of myself and our family and I can’t do that to you guys.** _

_**Life has been little more than pushing through the motions recently and it’ll just be easier to end it. The “little more” is the panic of what you’ll think of me when you know the truth.** _

_**You have been the best brothers in the world...but I want to be your brother, too. I had always felt wrong in this body anyways - I thought it was because Mom would always make me wear the scratchiest dresses or because she would cake my face up when I was far too young for makeup, but it had finally clicked that maybe it was more than outgrowing girly things.** _

_**I used one of my sleepover passes to go to a party. Maybe it’s retribution for lying, but I couldn’t speak to anyone about it. While you two would’ve supported me and maybe even stood up for me to Mom and Dad who would blame me, you would blame me too once you got the full story.** _

_**He wouldn’t take no for an answer and I couldn’t stop him so I just cried and let it happen. Sometimes, I still cry and I swear I can feel it happening even though I’m alone.** _

_**Worst of all, he kept on calling me a “good girl” and “pretty girl” and I somehow felt even more sick - and he saw it. Then he switched it to “good boy” and “pretty little boy” and my body started betraying me because someone was finally calling me a boy. It wasn't how I wanted my first time or my first time coming out to anybody to go, but it was.** _

_**I know you must blame me for what happened, but you have to understand why I have to end it all. I can’t lie awake at night with my legs crossed trying to forget what happened or how mad Dad will be when his little princess wants to be a king one day.** _

_**But it wasn’t all bad. In the few moments of peace, it was always with you guys. I was happy to be your dragonfly, even if you kept on calling me your sister because you didn’t know. There were times that I felt like I could tell you, but they were just moments too pure to ruin with my sins.** _

_**I would even dream about you guys accepting me, and we were just as happy as brothers as we were as siblings (even happier for me). When I think of what you’d call me, I think of Romulus.** _

_**I know I should pick something like Raymond so you can still call me Rei, but that doesn’t feel right. Not as wrong as being Reina, but still wrong. I think of Romulus because of “Remus” and “Romulus” of the “Roman” empire - that way we can never ever truly be apart. Maybe it's stupid and childish, but it makes me smile.** _

_**I’ll miss Roman reading to me when I’m stressed or Remus researching things I mentioned so I would have someone to talk to about it.** _

_**I’ll miss ice cream adventures and races around the track.** _

_**I’ll miss disco nachos and taking Remus’s place in reenacting musicals.** _

_**I’ll miss having sleepovers in one of our rooms when I finally admit that I’ve had a rough day - all of us squished onto one of our beds in the greatest hug in the world.** _

_**I’ll miss being your brother, even if you didn’t know it.** _ _**And as much as I’ll miss all of that, it’s simply not enough to make me stay.** _

_**I’m sorry if it hurts, but I hope you understand. And if you don’t...** _

_**I’m sorry I’m disappointing everyone one last time.** _

_**I love you,** _

_**Romulus (Dragonfly**_ )

Remus was openly sobbing now, trying to force his eyes open to continue reading the horror. He wasn't sure when he dropped to his knees, but he’s glad he had the mind to hold the note in front of him here his tears couldn’t splash and ruin the last piece of his _brother_ that he now had.

Roman had his arm wrapped around Remus, a thumb holding the book open with the bright words a lost child held onto so tightly at the end of their rope.

“W-what’s the scene?” Remus asked through gasps, still holding the note up.

“It’s when the Prince revokes his title in order to be happy, to begin what he refers to as ‘a new type of death’ - where he chooses Pryce as his new name because it ‘reminds him of where his soul was planted’.” Roman answered as if he was reading a synopsis - but he didn’t. The book was a bit too rare to end up on some note-taking website, even four years later.

“Read it to me.” Remus asked, voice breaking. _Romulus even mentioned Roman reading to them._ After a few shaky breaths, Remus was reading to listen.

**Queen,**

**Who bore the heir of the grand empire;**

**King,**

**Who maintains the rows of legacy;**

**A true son does not seek to deceive,**

**A true prince does not seek to be left in weeds.**

**Mother,**

**Who raised a boy with dreams;**

**Father,**

**Who taught responsibility of action and choice;**

**A true son holds his family’s opinion to the skies,**

**A true prince holds his peasants’ opinion to the history they will write.**

**For I fear I am neither,**

**May you look back upon memories of a son;**

**Of a prince does not falter,**

**But my joints have now crumbled to dust,**

**Alongside our filial dignity.**

“Oh, Roman,” Remus whimpered out as he turned for a tight hug, “you must’ve felt so helpless. It’s always you who finds-“

A hiccup thankfully cut Remus off, because Roman wouldn’t have been able to hold up his brother if he started sobbing too.

“You’re here with me now. I’m never alone as long as I hold you two with me in my heart, mind, and soul.” Roman whispered into the hug, kissing Remus’s temple.

Roman couldn’t believe it - Remus comforting _him_? It didn’t make sense, but that was okay - he would rather be confused and loved than assured that he was alone.

“There is some _monster_ who is walking around and no one knows what they did to him _besides_ him,” Remus spat, “What if we know him?”

“There’s nothing we can do since he didn’t write the person’s name,” Roman felt his heart twinge and his hands clench, “But I will slaughter him in divine retribution if I get the chance.”

“I will pull out his brains with a hot poker and eat it like it’s a skewer while he’s bleeding out on the floor.” Remus stated simply, nuzzling into his brother’s shoulder as he did so.

Roman’s eyes widened at the mental visual, but decided against chiding his brother for saying something so graphic. It wasn’t like he didn’t agree. “All we can do is pray for forgiveness for not helping Romulus when he was alive, and pray to be able to tell the signs the next time someone needs help. I wish we can do more, but it is for a greater power to do so.”

“You say that like you’re not currently blaming yourself, Mr. There’s Nothing We Can Do,” Remus grumbled, somehow feeling more defeated than before.

Roman pulled his lips into a tight line. Remus wasn’t wrong, but neither was he. There was nothing they could do, but he would feel even more guilty than he already had for years. Roman could pray for forgiveness from Him, but he could never receive forgiveness from himself.

“Ro?” Remus asked, suddenly sitting up straight. “If Rom left a note for us to find in your favorite book, how much you wanna bet that he left another note somewhere else that explains more?”

Roman felt both his stomach sink and his heart perk up. _Could there?_

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all remember when this was just supposed to be sugar baby Remus sleeps around a little bit after leaving his boyfriend before settling down with a CEO? I let a little bit of angst slip in and now it’s a full pain train.  
> Also, I was literally writing this and I was trying to wrangle the Reyeses all like “hold on, I don’t know how to write that well - wait - stop” and now we’re on a post-suicide mission. Let’s see on what happens next on: my OOC AU characters are toddlers and Chess is a nanny in way over her head.


End file.
